Dying to the Lure of Christmas Lights

It's nearing Christmastime. I love Christmas, but could sometimes go without all of the capitalistic obnoxiousness. No, I don't want to buy every red and green thing you have to offer. Thanks, but no. I'm reminded, during this particular time of year, of how self-saturated I really am, however. I may not fall prey to all of the commercials and other consumer entrapments, but I do slip into a self-satisfaction 'mode' where Christmas all of a sudden becomes about me and my enjoyment of the holidays. It was especially evident to me, as Christmastime coincided with my reading of John Calvin's excerpt on self-denial coupled with the convicting passage in Philippians. One of Calvin's comments struck me, "Nothing is more difficult than to forsake all carnal thoughts, to subdue and renounce our false appetites, and to devote ourselves to God and to our brethren, and to live the life of angels in a world of corruption". Yeah, in a "world of corruption". I think John Calvin just described my American Christmas. Philippians 2:3-4 sings a similar tune, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others". Well, there goes any last shred of my Christmas staying intact. I have a whole holiday built around and for me. Yet, Paul doesn't see it that way. Neither does Calvin. Neither does our Lord. This Christmas, what a radical thing it would be to put off my own interests and desires, to seek after the good of others, all in the name of Jesus and for his glory alone. I am called to humble myself this Christmas, and every day to follow. I am to pursue my God in absolute humility, serving him by serving others.

A Softly Screaming Delight

To be honest, I was incredibly excited when I saw this blog assignment. I love few things more than contemplative times of isolation, especially when it involves being outside among trees and birds. Strolling through the woods is always a delight, but I'm never quiet or intentional; I'm usually out there for a time of relief and comfort. I look, but my thoughts do not dwell on the world around me. I am typically far away in thought. However, after being challenged by Annie Dillard's thoughts on seeing and allowing ourselves to become almost transformed by the world we perceive, I took a more intentional walk. This time I was determined to do more than look and meditate on my troubles and pressing thoughts. I was going to think on the things I saw out under those limbs and soft birdsongs.

I've always loved trees. So naturally, I went and walked through the woods. I desired something very simple, in my prayers with the Lord: allow me to see you in the midst of this. As I was walking, I discovered something that I had never really noticed before. My mind is often cluttered with thoughts, and so when I was there in the woods with my thoughts engaged on the world at my fingertips I started to see what I had previously glazed right over. My eyes would only perceive the beauty of the woods and my ears only the pleasant sounds of the winds or the birds. But as I looked closer, I began to see the imperfections that were just as real as the beauty. Dead, black trees stuck out of the ground like rusty nail heads. An engine rumbled lowly in the distance. But they existed just as truly as the pretty trees or the nicer sounds. Even this, O Lord, has been created for you and your glory. Ignoring the imperfections may seem desirable, but they exist for a reason. God has made them just like he has made the things that I enjoy more. How much more is this true of friends, neighbors, coworkers, classmates, roommates, who are all made in the image of God? Seeing the world is a convicting practice. But God be glorified, let us look at this world for what it really is, loving the Creator and thanking him for his good blessings.

Empowered by the Spirit

I know, in my mind, that the greatest commission we as believers have received from Christ is to go into the world that we live in and to bear witness to the name of Jesus for the purpose of God's glory. I know that. Yet, I can only feel pangs of guilt when I consider the devotion I have to this work--the most important work I could do. I will, when the guilt is too strong, justify my lack of obedience by claiming that other facets of my life are similar to bearing witness of the Gospel. I will say that my life is constantly a witness to Christ's glory, but I will be lying the whole time. I hesitate. I sometimes refuse. But often, I just simply feel like I don't have the power to fulfill this commission that Christ has called me into. It was interesting to read about Francis of Assisi and his abandonment to the Spirit's calling in his life. When his friend told him about the prophecy he heard from God as it pertained to St. Francis' calling, St. Francis was immediate in his obedience. He went into towns preaching the Gospel because he was empowered by the Spirit. I have that opportunity. I can be empowered by the Spirit. In fact, I believe that once the Spirit has equipped me, I will desire nothing but to fulfill the work he has before me. Echoing Watchman Nee, I know that once the Holy Spirit has been poured out on flesh, it" brings about a work of conviction of sin, repentance, and faith". To be effective in evangelism, the problem is not my efforts. My efforts are futile, provided they precede the power that can only come from the Holy Spirit. However, if God has called me to be obedience in evangelizing he has already equipped me sufficiently for that work. Their is now no excuse. God promises his Spirit of power. I must be diligent and faithful to heed his call and allow its effects to sweep over me immediately.

Not a Creative Title

It was much easier finding the rule that was most difficult for me. Well, to be more precise, it was easier finding the ruleS. I was able to narrow it down, however, to one rule of Taylor's observations, in particular, that I found to be the most challenging. That was the requirement to "take an active part in the praising of others, entertaining their good with delight". Yeah. That's not natural for me at all. I find it awkward praising others, especially because it feels like I'm not being completely honest with them. I can easily draw up a huge list of criticisms, but praising someone else requires me to put aside that 'list' and acknowledge the praiseworthy things in people. If there is a rule that I don't struggle with as much (and to be honest, I can only compare it to the difficulty of keeping the others rule, in order to keep a baseline. I struggle with all of these.) it would be the necessity to keep from comparing myself to others. I almost struggle with not considering this enough. Often, I don't even acknowledge the importance of making distinctions among people or myself. But I do see it as a blessing, because I know that it can be a real challenge for many of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

A Valuable Upbringing

With six children in our family and my mother being a stay-at-home mom, it was always a bit of a challenge making sure all of the bills were paid, the cars were road-worthy, that we were all well-clothed and adequately provided for. For a family that should have struggled, we were pretty well taken care of and I was never ashamed of our lifestyle. However, because my dad worked so hard all of the time, he was often tired and irritable when he came home. He wasn't interested in doing a lot of socializing or leaving the house. Instead, he stayed in the living and would fall asleep to the TV almost every night. This did not make our home very conducive to people coming over to visit in the off hours of the day. I wasn't very proud of how inhospitable our home was. I never had a very good explanation, either, for why we didn't very often have friends over. 

However, seeing how he had such a large impact on the social goings-on of our home life, and the negative results of his selfish actions, I am now able to see how I can have a much more positive influence on my future home. It motivates me, actually, to think that I can some day have that hospitable, welcoming home that I had always longed for as a child growing up. It's strange to be thankful for a poor home environment, but without it I wouldn't be as aware nor as motivated to strive for a warm and hospitable home. And what a great ministry an open-door home can be!

The Meditative Reader

I have always heard that "meditation" is an important discipline, but I never really practiced it. 'Praying Scripture' made sense, it just seemed less important than studying or delving into the deeper theological structures of a passage. Needless to say, in practicing this 'Scripture Praying' that Guyon was suggesting, I became quite convicted of my neglect for becoming intimate with God's Word. Studying and analyzing Scripture can easily become impersonal. But an attitude of impersonality breeds a hard heart that is arrogant and dependent on its own capabilities. My greatest struggle with reading 'prayerfuly' was not a lack of motivation for doing it; the hardest part was keeping myself from approaching the passage with an academic agenda. Ironically, I gravitated towards Matthew 6 and the Lord's Prayer as my focus passage. Just as I was learning to meditate on and read Scripture with intention and a humbled, prayerful heart, I was praying a passage about prayer unto my Father. Each verse had a new thought. As I would dwell on each thought, I began to realize that I was only dealing with the surface of the verse. How often I do this! Scripture has a depth that only the Living Word of God could boast. How sweet it is to feel the surface with one's hand, but how glorious still to dig and dig but to never find the rock bottom of the Truth of God's infinite wisdom!

Converted by a Good Work For Good Works

Conversion is a slimy little word. It's meaning seems obvious, until you try to grip it. Then you're left surprised and annoyed when it slips through your clenching fist like some sort of bronzy ooze. E. Stanley Jones touches on this tricky word, acknowledging its importance to the believer as well as its misconstrued application on the believer's walk. His initial thoughts on the topic of Conversion cut right to the heart of the issue at hand. Conversion, according to his writings, cannot exist without disciplines. This is commonly (and easily) understood. But he doesn't stop there. Speaking on disciplines, he explains that disciplines are not the root of conversion. Nothing we do will ever affect the transformation of our hearts. That change, that good saving work, is a gift of God that only he may give. Our response, the fruit of our conversion, is our disciplines. They are the fruit, not the root. I love that.

Conversion is not a choice that gets made. It's not a good work done by man that then, in turn, breeds more good works. Conversion is a gift from God which transfigures the entirety of a person; his heart's desires, his mind, his spirit, his actions, his all, is governed by this new good work. It is truthfully said that this concept is a "fuller, more biblical understanding". Christ was crucified, not as a formality, but as a necessity.

The Heart of the Matter

Thomas Kelly has an interesting perspective on growing our spiritual lives in intentional and meaningful ways. Rather than pulling for the glamorous, flamboyant, radical faith that seems so impressive, he suggests that the most meaningful moments of growth are those that seem frustrating and mundane. God calls us to obedience and personal growth that requires very little from us, except an intentional and costly faith in his work. God has done the greatest, most radical thing in our lives already if we have been saved and are now being sanctified. There is no greater act of faith required. There is no terrible risk to take. There is no beleaguering effort needed. The most awesome work has already been accomplished on our behalf for the purpose of salvation, unto God's glory and honor. He moves in us and flows through us in small gestures. Like a new pillar of stone, we are being chipped away, sanded down, and displayed. It takes time and it hurts like crazy. The work is being done in our hearts. We die a new death every day as yet one more stubborn and petrified corner of rock is chipped off and shorn down. God calls us to obedience in everything. We are to meditate on his Word, to commune with his Sons and Daughters of the faith, to pray ceaselessly, to call out in hard times. Our hearts must be broken down in submission to his strong hands. The change is subtle, sometimes seemingly nonexistent, but he promises a masterpiece for an end result. Faith moves mountains, but that faith isn't ours. Our mountainous selves will one day stand erect as beautiful carved, living statues praising the name of the Sculptor.

A Faith That Acts

In a crowded room full of emotionally-charged peers all worshipping together, it's easy to feel like faith is real and strong. It's easy to think that my faith is unshakeable, that it permeates my entire life, that it dictates all of my thoughts and actions. And when the music stops and the lights come on I am reminded of how deep my emotions delve. They get me no further than out the door of that crowded room and I'm back to being nervous and hesitant, embarrassed by my profession of faith, apathetic and lethargic about my obedience to Christ. How easily I forget that my life has been shaped by my faith. I still want to live in my flesh.

Faith has high moments, like that crowded room experience. But most of my life is not like that emotional high. It's drudgery. It's stale. It's sort of not fun more than I'd like to admit. And yet, my faith must define those monotonous moments in my life. Faith has to influence every thing I do, everything thought I think, every word I say, even (or especially) in the moments where I feel like it doesn't matter at all. The trap is broad: to limit my faith to segments of my life is to live without faith at all. My God so loved me that Christ's blood has been spilt for all of me, not the 'spiritual' parts only. Because of the Hope that I rejoice in, I may now surrender my political views, my family heritage, my morals, my checkbook, my mind, my car, and my conversation to the transforming power of the Lord. My faith is from the Lord and He is at work in every area of my life. I am made new. Nothing has been left untouched. Every part of me ought to be governed by this 'faith' I can now have in the person Jesus Christ.

God's Money, My Hands.

I am a poor college student. I don't have money to spend. And yet, I somehow still manage to spend it. I have had to learn to adjust from a lifestyle of working full time (and the paychecks that came along with it) to a more frugal lifestyle. Learning has been a bit rough, I'll be honest. Looking back at my expenses over this past few months, I was somewhat surprised at how much money I spend on myself that really isn't' essential or necessary spending. I was actually a bit convicted of how much money I can spend on myself with very little to show for it. At the same time, however, I don't want to be completely negative about my spending habits. Looking through some of the transactions, I recalled the money I spent on other people and started thinking about how that had impacted them and, perhaps, was still impacting them. I've had the mentality, ever since I was old enough to understand money, that my money is not mine at all. It's God's. And I don't just use it as a catchphrase to make me feel spiritual; I tend to live my life that way. Sometimes I'm a bit too reckless and careless with the cash-flow, but I truly and honestly believe that God will take care of me and He will provide for whatever needs I have, regardless of how much money is in my bank account. I've never been a good saver of money for this reason. Stewardship is a tricky thing. I want to justify my recklessness with money with a quick followup saying that God will take care of me despite my stupidity with money, but that's a fool's mentality. God has given me money, His money, I might emphasize, to be wise with it, be a good steward with it, and to glorify him with how I use it. I have no excuses for my rash behavior with money. At the end of the month, I have to be able to look back at the bank statement and say, "God was glorified in how I used His money in my life."

Baptist Worldwide Impact

The CBF has had a huge impact on the world. And even better, it continues to build and grow communities of faith in all parts of the world. On the CBF website, I came across a video under their Global Missions section which I though was very encouraging. The CBF planted churches in India, and because of the faithfulness of both the CBF and its missionaries, many previously overlooked regions of India are now being exposed to the Gospel of Life. One of the gentlemen on the video was discussing how the CBF used the natives' basic need for water as an inlet for a church plantation, which then led to an explosion of converts to Christianity. The CBF, as a product of the summation of many like-minded Baptist churches, was able to integrate into the culture and impact the people in a meaningful way. Without a consolidated effort, and without a focus of funds from every supporting church, the same goals would have been impossible to attain. When Baptists work together for a common objective, the possibilities are greatly increased. Without a willingness to cooperate, those regions of India would have been left untouched and without the beautiful picture of salvation painted across their hearts. What else can we as Baptists accomplish when we come together to minister to the world about us, bringing glory to our Lord Most High.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owuiLNDfoCs&feature=player_embedded

Ministries of the BGCT

The Baptist General Convention of Texas spans a broad array of of ministry fields, if not all of them. As I was looking at them, I came across the Education/Discipleship category and was immediately interested. The first thing that attracted me to this particular field of the BGCT was the list of all the ministries within the church, with which the BGCT has resources available to help facilitate in their growth and maintenance. I teach a college ministry class and was very interested to see what sort of dealings the BGCT has within that context. Also of note was the BGCT's willingness to sponsor ministers interested in obtaining certification in Discipleship Training. They offer referrals and resources for churches who are struggling to find a pastor and/or support a pastor financially. There are useful tools available such as a resume matching service, interim pastor databases, etc. In general, I think it's great how the BGCT is willing to assist laymen, pastors, and churches in a variety of ways without being restrictive or creating dependence upon the BGCT's assistance. They want churches to work smoothly and be properly staffed and trained. The resources available seem almost endless.

The Baptist Standard

On the Baptist Standard website, I came across a variety of news articles, editorials, opinion essays, and the like. One particular article I chose to read was pertinent to my ministry interest area. It was an article discussing the importance of counseling grandparents as they learn their roles in the lives of their grandchildren. The article discussed the significance of proper relationships between grandparents, parents, and children. It also raised awareness for several clinics in the state of Texas whose counselors specialize in this area. This article was just one of many articles that deal with contemporary issues in the Church, in Texas, in the country, and around the world. The Baptist Standard seems like an efficient tool for disseminating news stories and informative articles that are current and applicable. They, and other similar resources, are great for keeping ministry leaders (as well as laymen) informed about some of the hot and trending issues that are plaguing their churches and their ministries.

http://www.baptiststandard.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14348&Itemid=53

A Community of Faith

Dietrich Bonhoeffer does an excellent job of getting to the core of a matter. Without parsing words or shying from truth, he calls us out of our lethargy and apathy and into a right understanding of who God is and how we are to relate to Him. In Bonhoeffer's Life Together, he makes some interesting observations about how we as believers are able to relate to one another. Essentially, he draws up a blueprint of how the Church is constructed, with Jesus Christ as the central building block. As Christians, we are all unified in Christ; the Body of Christ. As such, we are in harmonious communication with the Father (not fluently, but completely and appropriately so). As a community of faith, we serve one another and work together for the sake of the Lord's name. This does not necessarily come to fruition, but one it does the whole Body serves as a single organism accomplishing great things that are otherwise impossible for a single member to do. We are adopted heirs of the Kingdom of God with Christ, provided we suffer with him. To suffer with Christ, we must put off our worldly selves. Dying to self is ugly, awkward, unpleasant, and terrifying, but God requires it from His Beloved and promises blessing in return. As a Church, this is our desire. This is who we are. He is ours. And we are His.

Numbness

Ministry is a costly field, in consideration of vocation. It has the appearance of a holy and sanctified work, but an issue arises when we concede that the work is done by unholy and unrighteousness people. To work and to be compensated for labors involving church administration, teaching, discipleship, counseling, etc., is a difficulty only when it causes us to become numb to its realities. Ministers have the constant battle of whether to fall into the trap of lethargy or spiritual discipline. They are judged unintentionally by their outward appearance; therefore, they must maintain an edifying image before their congregation. When a minister is not living and breathing, being sustained, and rejoicing in Christ and the Holy Scriptures, he can quickly and softly deviate from honesty. It causes ministry to lose foundation. Any edifice constructed on this crumbling foundation will also become weak and falter. The flock of which he is the shepherd will become confused and will break away. It is so enticing to maintain a good front while one is dying on the inside. This is a man's livelihood and his family's livelihood, after all. But he must acknowledge that he answers to a mighty and Holy God, and he is doing God's work. He has to maintain his relationship with the Lord for his own sake, for his family's sake, for his career's sake, for his congregation's sake, but most importantly, for Christ's sake.

Doctrines That Divide

I heard a pastor, bearing a reputation of being a bit controversial and divisive, discuss with his congregation the process of finding a common ground while not becoming soft on important doctrinal truths. He referred to the attitude as open-handed/close-handed, where we ought to grasp tightly and unshakably over important biblically-saturated doctrines while staying open and relenting on every other practice or belief. As far as how much compromise of doctrine should occur in the name of cooperation or the protection from division, I would purport: none at all. Each church should have an understanding of what doctrines are most vital and maintain those views with conviction, all the while understanding that some of their perspectives are unique to their congregation and may not be necessarily accepted by other churches. Foundational doctrine principles should never be compromised, even if it means division. But not everything is a foundational doctrine principle. Falling into either camp is wrong.

As for the use of politics in the church, I disagree with any use of political power or influence unless there is a disunity between doctrinal beliefs and the actual Word of God, as adhered to by the saints and the Church at large. However, as quickly as I say that, I feel I need to check myself by saying that no agenda should have to be pushed through by the use of political prowess within the church. If there is a disharmony over an important aspect of church administration, instruction, missions work, or doctrine, there should be no need for civil war. Again, checking myself, we also cannot allow heresy to build up in the Church. It needs to be cut back just like weeds in a garden. Every single "agenda" or idea, belief, or practice, has to stand up to the tightest scrutiny of biblical instruction and mandate. It's a tricky, fuzzy exercise at times, but completely necessary.

The Influence of the Baptists

The history of the rise of the Baptist denomination reveals some interesting events and changes in the common theological outlook among peoples of the US and those from around the world. Even at its inception, the Baptist "trend" brought with it powerful and very influential ideas that would forever shape Christianity's doctrinal landscape. The first foundation of Baptist thought that I found to be particularly important was illustrated by Helwys' emigration from Amsterdam back to England so that he could plant a Baptist church. He was motivated by the ideology that each person should be offered the opportunity to read and interpret the Scriptures for themselves, rather than depend on a Pope or any other church authority for Scriptural instruction. This is an essential element of the contemporary Baptist church which still stands firm to this day. It is vital for the Church to be saturated in Scripture, especially as it pertains to each member's unique study of the Word of God. The second element arising from the events of Baptist denominational formation that I feel is particularly important to take note of is the emphasis that was placed on foreign missions. With the rise of key figures such as Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong, organizations were birthed in order to satisfy global missions needs. Because of their influence in the Baptist denomination, the Baptist Church has experienced wide and rampant growth. Even today, Baptist churches all over the world benefit from foreign missions organizations that grew out of the Baptist movement, and in particular from a few key Baptist missionaries. The rise of the Baptist denomination has had a vast and meaningful impact on global Christianity. The most inspiring characteristic is that God continues to empower Baptist churches with this same mentality of mission-focused and Bible-reading discipleship today. To God be the glory.

Talking to Dad, but Ignoring My Brothers

As I was reading Buttrick's excerpts on the form of prayer, I was quickly struck with the realization that I pray selfishly. I often come to my Father in Heaven with the attitude that He is my Father. Yet, though I come honestly and often, I tend to neglect both the reverence my God deserves and also the brothers and sisters that surround me. They need the prayers just as much as I need them, if not more. As a community, as a Church before Christ, I ought to not neglect the freedom of coming before the Lord with an honest and sincere heart; yet, I cannot forget to bring the hearts of his Church. My prayer takes form (it's not without a specific method), but my prayer lacks a love for the Church. When I pray, I ought to set aside myself and embrace the Lord first and foremost. In so doing, I will begin to realize that Jesus loves His Church. If I cannot pray for His Church, let along love His Church, then who am I to say that I love at all? Christ has loved me in order that I might love Him back, and also love His people. My prayers should reflect this truth.

Ceasing to Never Pray

I have a huge respect for men and women who pray. And not only do I respect them because they simply pray; I can pray, too. I respect them because they pray intentionally, faithfully, powerfully, consistently. They don't waste their words, they don't waste their time, they don't speak irreverently. Their lives are sustained by the hours they spend each day in holy fellowship with their Father in Heaven.

I am at fault--and at a point of conviction. I spend miserable moments in prayer. The moments are few. They cease. When I pray, I often lose focus, intention, purpose, and in turn lose power, effectiveness, change of heart and mind. I acknowledge a God, but I cannot seem to sit still and await His voice of power. If there were ineffective moments in my day, they are most certainly those times when I am pretending to pray and instead turning them into 15-minute nap intervals. And yet, it would be an easier battle if this were the only difficulty, but it's not. Most often, I choose not to go to my knees in submission to God and His presence. I push it away and vow to do it later, only to be found a liar once more. D. Martyn Llloyd-Jones wrote on prayer, and his advice continues to cling to the back of mind. He emphasized a dire need for believers to heed the call of the Lord when He commands us to pray. When my Father speaks, no matter how quiet or unnecessary I deem it, I MUST answer His call and go to my Father and King in Heaven, for He wants me to listen. If I could pray without ceasing, if I could only begin to pray, than my minutes and hours each day could never be considered ineffective. My will would be submitted to His purpose. What greater calling each sun-tipped morning than the beckoning of my Father to my knees before His Good and Holy Throne of Love.

Soft Hearts and Strong Minds

Academia was never my identity, but I strove to master it. I love books, heavy thoughts, deep and honest discussion, analytical and emotionally dissociated study, all of it. From my perspective, particularly before I came to ETBU, nothing was more important than knowledge: I need to be accurate, quick, well-versed. I have to have sound doctrine, a deep well of eclectic information, and an array of insights and experiences. I was (and admittedly still am) very intentional about forming my “tough mind”.

Yet, I've read 1^st Corinthians. I have a hard time ignoring that pesky chapter 13. Without love, I am nothing. What Jonathan Edwards is so famous for is his superior mind, coupled with an incredible love for people and a broken heart before the throne of the Lord. He is accredited one of the greatest American minds to have ever lived, yet his ability to remain soft to the calling of the Lord and the ministry to which he was to work diligently and faithfully was what made him great. My greatest lesson (and it's still in progress) is one of softness. It's been easy to allow my mind to harden my heart to both my Father in heaven and to the people around me. But I'm called to something less natural, something more honorable, something Christ-like. I am to pursue my studies and soften my heart for the sake of the people around, ultimately for the glory of God.

Prayer Perspective

I don't pop out of bed all that often. Mostly, I will gurgle, moan, roll over, sigh, lean up, moan again, and lay back down. This morning was one of those mornings, getting up extra early and all. It was rough, but I really do enjoy being up early. The world is a pretty and pleasant place in the morning, even if I'm anything but. I admit, I had to have some prayer time before I was even able to have a good attitude about going to church and hour earlier than usual. But when I got to the church, I was immediately thankful. It was the first official week for our new pastor, so there were already five or six men at work praying in the sanctuary. That was incredibly sobering for me. I was, in a sense, required to be here and so I came. These men chose to be here to pray for their new pastor; no one was making them. I was ashamed and encouraged at the same time.

Rather than join those men in the sanctuary, I retreated to the college ministry class, where I teach on Sundays, to spend my time with the Lord. Again, I was struck with how simple it was to be doing what I was doing, and yet convicted by how resistant I've been to the notion of coming early to “pray over the church”. As a teacher, I was embarrassed by how lightly I've been treating my position, as well as my independent attitude, particularly as it regards prayer. I spent the morning thinking about the college students that will be coming through that door, praying for them and asking God to empower me with His love and wisdom. The greatest thing that came from that time in prayer, however, was that my heart was properly conditioned to the Cross. Often I come into class with a noisy soul, cluttered and ineffective. But that hour of prayer completely changed my perspective on the lesson, on the people, and on the truths that God was revealing to our class. It was an eye-opening experience I fully intend to replicate in the future.

I'm Proud of My Humility

I was considering John of the Cross's list of virtues, and I was simply embarrassed at how easy it was to identify which I thought I needed the most of. I am in need of humility in absolutely everything. If there is reason to boast, I ascribe that reason to myself. I count all of my "good spiritual works" as pats on the back, as crowns for my head. The most dreadful attitude to have of my standing with God is the very thing I typify. I am God in my own mind. Honestly, I'm annoyed that I'm even admitting it. I need humility. Not soft, fun humility. I need that humility that punches you in the gut, strips you naked, and has you fall on your face in shame. I am proud of my "humility". I have cheapened Grace. I have cheapened the Cross.

Mr. Landon Price

So I read this post with a simple title: 3 Prayer Requests. I was like, "Yeah, alright. We'll see how this plays out." I began reading through the list of what this guy wants most from God, and I was humbled immediately. I like to think I love Christ, and that my love for Him defines me, but at times that is just simply not true. It was so encouraging to read about a brother in Christ and his desire to know the Lord deeply and intimately, so much so that it changes his very nature. Our calling as believers is to love Jesus more than we can loving anything else--even ourselves! What I desire I have to pray for such a longing as Mr. Price. To love Christ is to know Him, and to be changed into His image every single day.

The "Talking Cure"

Failure to conceal is the evil one's greatest torment, for once darkness has been brought to light, the glory of the Lord makes all things new. I knew this far too well in my own life. Evil has had its small victories over me for years and years. I clenched onto my struggles and shortcomings, yet the tighter I gripped the worse I was afflicted by pain and suffering. To combat it, and contrary to my personality, I pursued an accountability partner in order to set myself free from my bondage. What I discovered, however, was that the accountability group did not set me free. Confessing the darkness did not wash it away. It was Christ. By my act of obedience to Him he made me clean. He gave me rest. He gave me peace. I could let go.

Genie in a Bottle

I do not know the God whom I serve very well at all, though I am not very proud to admit it. When I became a professing believer of the Gospel, one of my first prayers before my Lord was a request for wisdom and understanding. I have longed for a greater understanding of the world around me, the importance of relationships, and of the person of Jesus Christ. I will admit that at times I hesitate to pray for wisdom, for wisdom often follows a hardship which sows seeds of wisdom in our souls. Yet, without trials, we can never grow intimate with our Father in Heaven. And that, intimacy with the King of kings, is another desire I have had ever since my profession of faith. If nothing else, I want to be held close by my Lord; comforted, secured, provided for, close with. But above these two desires is one final longing which I even have difficulty articulating, and that is the swift fulfillment of God's Kingdom on earth. Far surpassing any acquisition of personal wisdom for my own sake, far deeper than any intimacy between the Lord and me alone, is the longing for His bringing His Kingdom, establishing His throne, reigning and ruling for now and for ever more. If I could offer up one prayer above all else, it would be this: "Our Father who is in Heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your willing be done, on earth as it is in Heaven."

Running a Race of Love

This was the first time I had ever been exposed to the idea that there are “degrees” of loving self, others, and God. And honestly, I was happier in my ignorance. While reading through Bernard's comments on the first degree of love, I was feeling pretty confident. I can love myself for my own sake. That's not a problem. Whew, one down. I started tearing through to the next degree of love, loving God for my own sake. Originally at a sprint, energized by how great of a self-lover I am, I dropped down to a jog and started breathing heavy as I began considering loving God for my own sake. I kept moving on, even though I was really starting to labor at the thought that I am to love someone besides myself. I started feeling pretty convicted at the fact that I am pathetically out of shape in regards to loving someone else. How often do I really stop and acknowledge the provision of my loving Father? Hoping to break through the “runner's wall”, I carried myself onward into the third degree. Here, I confess, I collapsed to my knees in exhaustion. How am I to love this God for his sake? I cannot make it all the way to that fourth degree of love. But then something startled me as I finally stopped running; I was still moving forward. I had not been loving myself, nor trying to love the Lord, by my own power at all. My exertion was not the reason I was running forward. It was the very presence of God's love that was driving me forward into more intimate love with Him. There is only one way to love like Bernard's fourth degree. Christ must carry us in His Love.

Discipleship Starts with Obedience

Matthew 5:
1. Rejoice and be glad in persecution (v.12)
2. Let your light shine through good works so that others may glorify God (v.16)
3. Uphold the law and teach others to keep it (v.19)
4. Be salt that remains useful (v. 13)
5. If any portion of your person causes you to sin, but it to death and destroy it (v.29-30)
6. Do not lust or commit adultery
7. Do not divorce your spouse on anything other than sexual infidelity
8. Do not swear oaths by the world's standards
9. Do not retaliate with evil against those who do evil to you
10. Love people


I struggle with some very humiliatingly simple commands from the Lord, on a daily basis. Reading through the list I compiled from Matthew 5, the two particular commands that stood out to me the most were very easy to spot. The first was Jesus' command to put to death any member of my body that causes me to sin. I don't like that command. Killing the sin in me requires me to kill parts of me, and I'm not typically willing to inflict such pain on myself. Yet, how am I to grow into the appearance of Christ if I'm not willing to be crushed and made anew? The second commandment that has broken me time and time again is Jesus' call for us to love people, including our enemies. As a Church, we struggle a great deal with this concept. We can articulate it, but we avoid putting it into action. Love costs me everything that I am and everything I hold dear. To love another is to choose to not seek after my own welfare. Yet, this is the greatest calling Jesus declares among his people: Love, so as to fulfill the Law. If I truly desire to be discipled into the likeness of Jesus Christ, I must deny myself and love radically, faithfully, selflessly.

The Mission of Macedonia Baptist Church

Before we started a college ministry at Macedonia Baptist, I spent each week in the Young Married Couples Sunday class on Sunday mornings. I mention that because I found something very interesting about those particular people in that class, something quite contrary to what I would most often expect anywhere else. The couples were intently interested in God's Word, and very supportive of the church financially, and very communicative in class. But none of those things were novelties. What I found surprising about these people was that their goal was not built around themselves. They understood that the Church is about service and ministry, about people and community, but most importantly, it's about the saving work of Christ on a cross on our behalf. It's about making "little Christs". Their desire was for God's Word to shape them, to challenge them, to break them, to break the people around them, and then let the love of Christ build them back again in his image. If they, as a class, were not being conformed to the image of God and therefore drawing others around them to the love of Jesus, they were not being obedient to His call and all of their work was "simply a waste of time". I was saddened at how foreign that environment felt from my previous church experience. God is about His Church, and we are to be about Him and His Glory and His Son and His people whom he loves.

Groomed and Grassy Fields

After seeing how C. S. Lewis dealt with this "natural self" of ours, I was immediately convicted of my tendency towards self-importance. Daily I find myself struggling with a strong proclivity to "be" someone and to "define who I am", but as my day draws to a close I discover that I have not changed. God requires all of me, including my very identity, my pride, my "self-made" persona. I am very much like Lewis's grass field that cannot bear but grass when I'm to be a rich and golden wheat field. I can sheer myself down with discipline, with"good works", with appearance, with eloquence, but more is required from me than a haircut. I have to be plowed up and resown. My identity has to be broken and stolen. I have to receive Christ's identity, his seed in my life, from which I can be bountiful for His name's sake. Not mine.